Depending on where you live, your diocese may have different ways of going about spiritual direction. I can say for myself in the Archdiocese of Washington that all of our priests are trained in spiritual direction.
Just in case you’re not familiar with the concept of spiritual direction, here’s a quick summary: A spiritual director walks with a directee as they discern God’s will to deepen their spiritual life. A typical session usually begins with the director asking what’s going on in the person’s life and how they’ve seen God at work. These sessions are a great time for the directee to ask questions, receive the Sacrament of Confession (if your director is a priest – spiritual directors can also be nuns and lay ministers of the faith), and for the director to offer insight which can challenge and help the directee grow closer to God. Growing closer to God is the ultimate goal of spiritual direction. It’s not a therapy session. Let me say that again: it’s not a therapy session. If you need to speak to a therapist, then do seek that out! But a spiritual director is not going to “fix” you if that’s what you’re looking for. What a spiritual director can do – especially if he’s a priest – is be there for you in a supportive, Fatherly way.
Now this is just me talking, but I also look at my spiritual director as a kind spiritual accountability partner. I had two spiritual directors in college that didn’t work out. I won’t go into the details, but in short the first one was a religious Brother who just let me talk the whole time (which is not what I really needed), and the second was a Sister who made me feel judged. These situations did not make me bitter towards spiritual direction, but I did take a break from it for a few years. I recently decided to seek out another director because I realized that I need an accountability partner when it comes to my prayer life. Friends are great, but I need a spiritual Father to talk to, to challenge me, to help keep me on the right path. Friends can certainly help in this effort, but not in the same way that a priest can. I considered talking to my colleagues who happen to be Catholic priests, but that would breach a professional boundary. No. I needed a local priest who could balance my talkative personality, answer my questions, call me out when I need it, and gently remind me that I am loved by God. Thankfully, God presented the right person at the right time.
Here’s another reason why I sought out a spiritual director after having two poor predecessors. It was highly recommended to us in the Certificate of Pastoral Ministry Program at The Catholic University of America that as professional Catholic ministers, we should have a Catholic spiritual director. It makes sense as far I’m concerned. If our job is to lead others to Christ, then who is making sure that we are doing the work ourselves? Who is holding us lay ministers accountable for praying? I once heard a Catholic speaker claim that ministers who don’t pray get burned out. There are many reasons to get burned out on a job, but if your job is to encourage others to pray and you’re not praying yourself, then you’re likely to have a tough time.
I’ll end with a few practical notes on spiritual direction:
- -The first lesson I was taught in Pastoral Ministry is to never give advice unless directly asked to do so. I mention this because if your spiritual director is offering you a lot of unsolicited advice about things going on in your life, then just be aware, they could do more harm than good. My second director did just that: she offered her own personal anecdotes and unsolicited advice on the subject of dating that ended up not being good for me. And as I stated before, she made me feel judged, not loved. Shortly after that I stopped going to her – which a directee has every right to do! A spiritual director is not there to make you feel like crap. From my experience, you know a spiritual director is a good fit for you if you walk out of the session feeling more hope in your relationship with Christ than when you walked in.
- -It may take a couple of tries to find the right fit for you, and that’s okay! Every spiritual director I’ve been to said that if I didn’t think it was a good fit after the first three sessions, then they won’t take it personally if I choose not to see them again.
- -How often you meet with your spiritual director is up to you. Personally, I go once every other month. That works best for my busy schedule, and I know that I can ask to speak over the phone if something urgent comes up.
- -Lastly, wherever you are in your faith, a spiritual director is there to support you. Their goal is to help you grow closer to God. If you’re considering finding a spiritual director, ask God to present the right person. (It could be as simple as asking your local parish priest!)
If the pandemic has put you in a spiritual rut, then seeking out spiritual direction can be a great resource to help you start digging yourself out.