This is part one of a two part set of reflections on friendship as part of the Christian life.
Last month I got to do something which I hadn’t done in a long, long time: I took a trip away from home for a friend’s wedding and got to see some old friends whom I hadn’t seen in a few years (there’s a slightly unnerving truth in the joke that, when we get older, we end up seeing our friends and family mostly at weddings and funerals). We actually got to spend time together in person, which, between living far apart and having endured lockdowns during the pandemic, meant a lot more than it had in years past. Most of the people I saw I knew from my Catholic college, and, after having spent years away from a Catholic environment, one moment made more of an impact than all the others. It wasn’t the stunningly beautiful and reverent liturgy of the nuptial Mass, though the Mass far surpassed the liturgies I normally experience at home in terms of grandeur and the “smells and bells”; it also wasn’t the joy of spending hours catching up with people and seeing how well they have achieved their goals and grown in their lives.
No, what really caught my attention, more than everything else, was listening to the speeches from the wedding party and hearing just how deeply their thoughts on marriage and the couple’s devotion to the Lord and each other reflected a fundamentally and distinctly Catholic way of looking at the world.
After spending years struggling to find a group of Catholic young adults near me (a challenge which inspired me to start this magazine, actually), I had honestly completely forgotten what it’s like to hang out with Catholics my age. There’s something unique and noteworthy about having a support group of Catholic friends to spend time with. The conversations which we have together can be different, set apart from how we may encounter others who don’t share our faith. I don’t mean that, when hanging out with other Catholics, we necessarily should spend the whole time arguing the finer points of theology and liturgy. And I don’t mean that, when hanging out with non-Catholics, we should avoid talking about our faith. What I mean instead is that, in a Catholic friend group, certain distinctly Catholic ways of thinking can permeate our way of looking at the world and challenge us to grow in our understanding and integration of them into our lives.
What struck me at the wedding was hearing several toasts and speeches which reflected on the life-giving joy and communion of marriage as a participation in the life of the Trinity. I mean, in a typical environment in the secular or otherwise non-Catholic world, people don’t talk like that, so it was refreshing and somewhat surprising to hear the richness of the sacramental life discussed as something normal.
Sometimes we Catholics receive criticism from other Christians who say that our Church doesn’t emphasize the community enough. When people come to Mass or the Divine Liturgy, they can feel rather isolated and unwelcome. But if we look at how the Church understands herself, especially as articulated during the Second Vatican Council, we see that Catholicism does emphasize the community–we make up the Church, and the Church is a community of believers. Our Catholic faith doesn’t leave us on our own. Our faith and involvement with God are found in the context of the community, the people of God. God himself says, in Genesis 2:18, that “it is not good for…man to be alone.” The Lord has made us for communion with himself and with others. We see the importance of gathering with the rest of the community in the Christian age as early as in the Acts of the Apostles, when those who had become Christian “devoted themselves to the teaching of the apostles and to the communal life, to the breaking of the bread and to the prayers” (Acts 2:42). Though much has changed since the time described in the New Testament, the importance of the communal nature of the Church remains at the forefront of how we all engage with the Christian life. We are designed to live for and with others.
Finally, let’s talk briefly about some of the real frustrations of finding a young adult group to get to know. When I graduated from college and moved home, I quickly realized that no parish near me had anything even remotely similar to the impressive young adult ministries which I had taken for granted when I lived in Washington, D.C. Now I was far away from those extensive networks of young adult ministries. It took more than five years to find a young adult group near me.
But not everyone has access to a good young adult group, and the disillusionment of feeling alone is real and disheartening. Some young adult groups can feel exclusive and cliquey, so that newcomers feel like they have to fight an uphill battle just to feel welcome. To those who are struggling to find a group of young adult Catholics: don’t give up. Those of us who thankfully have good young adult groups should do what we can to invite others to join, especially those who need encouragement in their faith. (Incidentally, encouraging others in their faith is the main reason why I first thought to start this magazine and website.)
In the end we should trust that God will provide for us and will not let us be cut off from him and his Church, even if it may take a while for us to get a solid group of Catholic friends to challenge us to live out our faith.
Are you part of a young adult group? How has your group worked to reach others and to make them feel truly welcome?
Part two of this series on friendship will focus on the importance of friendships with people who aren’t Catholic.
Awesome article!